just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
