We won't sleep together?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we're making bets on your personal life
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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