I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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