drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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