why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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