Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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