My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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