fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
