Where is the hickey?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
