OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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