so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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