she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
