If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
