so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
