I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
