I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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