i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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