From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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