Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it was like eating out sand paper
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
