even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
