I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
