You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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