And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
