if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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