the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
