that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
