so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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