Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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