i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
