Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
