I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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