was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
