i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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