Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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