just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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