She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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