Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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