My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
