Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
