Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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