Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
