operation harelip BJ is a go
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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