Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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