So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
