I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
