i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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