none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize