I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
