There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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