If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
