My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
