I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
