That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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