The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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