i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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