the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
