I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
