You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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