This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
