So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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