Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
