is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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