Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize