I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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