Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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