It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
