unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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