I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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