She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
