Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
