Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize